I'm sorry
by mochaloids
Summary: Post Yamatai. An AU where Lara dies months after the events in Yamatai. Sam finally says goodbye no matter how hard it is to let her go. One shot


**I couldn't sleep so instead i wrote this really depressing fanfic that i hope everyone will delightfully enjoy. I apologize if there are any grammatical errors and such. **

It has been exactly 3 months since you collapsed on the boat while on our way home. You didn't even wait till we reached the docks of Japan. We were almost there and together we watched as we got closer to the wonderful cityscape. You trembled and struggled, assured us that you're ok and finally fell on the cool metal floor. I shook you, calling you out with all my energy. I felt a dampness on your waist. Blood. Coming out from your side. I pulled up your shirt. How could you?

'_I'm alright Sam_'

_'It's nothing Sam' _

'_I'll be ok Sam' _

Liar.

How could you lie to me? You said before there will be no secrets between us. You said we'll have each other's backs. And You promised. You promised you'll never leave. We reached the coast that day. Jonah carried you and placed you on the stretcher as the paramedics took you away. I followed. I held your cold hands as we reached to the hospital.

_'Please, hold it together, sweetie_'

I was terrified you know. Much more terrified than that bastard Mathias. Much more terrified than the sun queen sucking every inch of life form away from me. I didn't know what to do when I lost you that moment. I was horrified of the fact that i'll never see you again. I watch them take you as i got separated from you to the emergency room. Days, weeks has passed and I never left your side. I watched you as those machines tried to keep you alive. I would always wake up in the middle of the night and check on you, thinking and hoping you suddenly returned to consciousness while I was out. But you still lie unmoved. Your body, battered and broken, wounds and bruises that always make me tear up just by looking at it. Why would you go through such terror just to save me? A spoiled rich brat who, for once in her sad exsistance never did something meaningful than waste away in bars/pubs and childishly fantasize on becoming an oscar winning director.

_'Your my best friend, Sam, i'd do anything for you.'_

You always believed in me, something others never did, even my own parents. You'd haul my drunk ass out on nightclubs, no matter how many times you've bathed in my own vomit in the process. You'd clean me up, take me to bed and the next morning you'd make me pancakes. You were alway's there ever since, and you still did._  
_

And right now, here i stand before you, machines attached to your body that's frail and unconscious. I watch you as the the contraption breath for you.

'Are you ready Sammy?' Full hands gently touched my shoulders. Jonah and Reyes never left since yesterday, they wanted to stay for this moment. I moved closer and held your hands. They're cold. Lifeless. I always liked holding you. Your hands, rough but warm and when you touch my face it felt heavenly. I then cupped your face and traced your scars on your cheeks, nose and on the side of your lips. You always had the most adoring smile. May it be a light grin or an outbursting laugh. You were beautiful even on your most haggard days in the university. Your bangs almost covering your face as you struggle to read a 1000 page textbook, viciously scribbling on pieces of papers and dark shades under your still stunning hazel eyes light up with determination. I always loved filming you on those days.

_'It's like shooting rough porn with Angelina Jolie.'__  
_

_'Ugh, Sam!'_

Warm tears started running down my cheeks. Seeing you like this, i couldnt take it. Every moment i hoped that you would wake up one day, then, we would pack up and go back to London, move in together , get crazy drunk and go on amazing adventures like you always wanted to. Hell, I don't really care what happens, i want you back. But that light of hope fades each and every passing day.

_'I dont know how she'll hold it any longer. Her body was heavily traumatized and it's rapidly deteriorating, despite everything in our power. If she does wake it's positive that she'll be brain dead.'_

I was never going to give you up. I wanted you to fight, just like you fought and survuved on Yamatai. I want you to come back. Then I realized that i was being selfish, after everything you've done for me. Your my hero, my savior, my knight in shining armor, you went through hell and saved me and now, now i know that your just so tired.

'_Im sorry, im so so sorry...'_

i cried my heart out for you. I touched your cold forehead against mine as I held my hand on your cheek. Those memories of you flashed before me. From the first time we met on the boarding school library, you were holding a book, looked up at me innocently and held a shy smile, to that moment on yamatai as you carried me down the rocky mountain. Your face against the sunlight but i could dimly see it covered with scratches, dirt, blood and sweat, your damp hair lazily goes with the wind. I was in awe. You were gorgeous. You looked down at me with those adoring eyes. You smiled. I never got the chance to tell you, how much i cared for you, more than you'll ever know and i should've that moment you carried me like im Princess Peach or something. I wondered if you ever felt the same way and the thought of never finding it out leaves me in so much grief.

_ 'I love you Lara, so much...'_

Your lips were cold as I touched them with mine. It was a light peck, filled with longingness and gratitude.

'_thank you... for everything.'__  
_

My tears started falling on your cheeks and it ran down though your skin as I sob quietly. Everyone was quiet, the moment was heartbreaking, Reyes was wiping her tears away as Jonah held her by the shoulder. Then the sound of buzzing power went off. The machines has stopped their rythm. Your chest lie flat and for the first time in what seemed to be forever, you finally sleep.


End file.
